Make a wish

Lately everyone has been asking me what I want for my birthday.. Thats a pretty difficult question to answer (at the spot anyway), and more over a very complicated question.. Espescially since what you wish for and what you really, really wish for, are two very different things.

You have the more "superficial" Birthday wishes..

Ring, from Accessorize..

Palmwarmers, from Accessorize

The book "Cupcakes"..

Giftcard at MAC Cosmetic Store ,Kløverhuset

Spa Wisdom Honey & beeswax Hand & Foot Butter, from Body Shop

Strawberry Body Butter, from Body Shop

You have the "for a purpose" wishes, a little on the extreme and expensive side, but still very nice to dream about.. :

£> New FIGURE-SKATES! <3

Spinning bike..:

Threadmill..:

You have volatile, ice-castles - in - the - sky wishes, which you can wish for all you want, but only God (or the weather) can make that happen.. :

SAFE ice on lakes and ponds !!! <3

Cold winterweather, with a lot of safe ponds to skate on!

Nice ice at the Slåtthaug outdoor ice rink.:

Safe ice at Lille Lungegård pond for Christmas..:

I definitely notice that I`m becoming old(er). (And I`m not talking about weighing 10 kg more than 10 years ago, or wrinkles popping up everywhere, "from nowhere", all over my face).. ;) It`s just.. I`m taking stock.. I sorta look back on my on life, on my past.. I look at where I am now, and where I "should" have been or "could" have been.. And I`m realizing that I`m behind, or delayed (which isn`t really a bad thing in my opinion.. Its just that the rest of the whole world seems to think so).. And even more overwhelming, I dream about my future.. I vision the rest of my life, and look at where I want to be (and realize that my "picture-perfect" future looks a whole lot different than my present, where I am right now..).

All of this kind of scares me a little. I realize I have so many dreams and wishes still waiting to come true, hoping they will come true, - some day. Scared to death that none of them ever will. Even more scared they all will come true. I have always been dreaming about my future, picturing it how it would be or might would turn out. And already by now, I know for sure that its beyond hopeless to plan for anything, cuz nothing ever goes as planned. My life so far has not at all turned out the way I planned it (and yes, I am aware of that Im a bit of a controlfreak). From my experience so far, Im suspecting (and can almost say for surtain) that the rest of my life wont turn out as planned (or dreamed) either.

At the same time, I`m terrified what will happen if my dreams and wishes really do come true some day (because that will mean that the life that I have known so far will be gone, or at least changed to the almost unrecognizable.. and then what..?). =S Im terrified of "loosing myself", turning into "someone else", so different from the girl I am now, that I wont even recognize myself anymore.

I have always been very "talented" at dreaming of or "re-living" my past, and dreaming about / visioning my future. I really suck at living "in the moment", enjoying "the now", "the journey". When I was 14, I was reliving my life at age 5 in my head, playing with dolls or painting in colouring-books. And at the same time, dreaming about my life as an 18-year old, being old enough to buy my own soccer sweats, making out with much older boys etc. When I was 18, I was re-living my worry-free life as 14, getting excellent grades without much effort and playing soccer all day long. At the same time, I dreamed about being 26, finished graduated from University, having a job, making a lot of money, buying a lot of expensive shoes, being married to a passionate handsome greek man, living in Greece during summer, and Norway during winter.

Well, life never turned out that way. Dreams where crushed (and still are). That`s just what you get for beeing a part of the cosmic joke, I guess.. In which case, God (or whoever "rules" the world) is probably having a good laugh (looking at my life) as we speak. ;)

One could argue that I have a free will, that I make my own choices, and therefore are responsible for my own actions and outcome (which is partly true, I guess). But when making choices, you still cant predict the full outcome of most of the choices you make at the time. If I had known the outcome of some of my choices, my choices would have been completely different! (Only a selfdestructing sadistic masochist would knowingly make choices that exclusively would give a lot of bad outcomes). Selfdestucting or not, - when making sertain choices, you choose "partially blindfolded", at least with respect to the future (even when you think you have made an informed and reflective descision). As Baz Lurhman nicely put it..: "Your choices are half chance. So are everybody elses."

My dreams and wishes have changed, weather I really want them to or not. I dont know if I have always been wanting this on some unconscious level, and just been "living in denial", or if my dreams and wishes have changed gradually, little by little over time, undetectable at small time frames, but after a 10-year periode, now suddenly very detectable, and displayable to the whole world. I dont know how it happened (maybe it is just what happens when you turn 30 - 1).. but my dreams and wishes has suddenly changed drastically. Im not saying I want "it all" to happen right away. I just realize that these wishes (that seemed very far away into the future 5-10 years ago), suddenly has appeared with more intensity, like an epiphany.

The "30-1" - wishes..:

Finish education and graduation..:

Travelling..to Rome..:

..Venice..:

..Paris..:

..and New York..:

Ice skating at Wollman`s rink in Central Park..:

..and under the huge Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center..:

..with Christmas carols from the speakers..:

and snow crystal sparkle lights..:

Revisit London..:

..skating at Somerset House..:

Get a sweet, adorable puppy..

..which will be a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel off course..:

Finding a man that really, truly loves me..:

..and wants to be with me forever..:

..celebrating it with a big, beautiful cake..:

..and a 2 week honeymoon to a tropical paradise..:

..with fantastic, beautiful beaches..:

..with waterbungaloos, here you can jump straight from the balcony into the crystal clear water..:

..where you can worship the romance, without being disturbed..:

Buying a gorgeous dream-house..

..with a nice big garden..:

..a relaxing bedroom..:

..with a huge bed..:

..and a big walk-in-closet..

..a big, spa-like bathroom..

...with a rainforest shower..

..a big bubble bath / jacuzzi..:

..and a hot, relaxing sauna..:

And at some point.. a happy little family..:

..which means (at some point), - a little, cute baby..:

..(or two)..:

..(some day, that is)..

Forever, true love.. growing old together..:

*When you wish upon a star*