søndag 17. februar 2013


I feel like I don`t know myself anymore. I look at myself, and I don`t recognize me even the slightest bit. I look at the girl in the mirror, and it`s like there`s nothing there anymore. It`s like the person I used to be has completely faded away, and I`m just a ghost, a barely-there shadow of my self. I don`t understand how I`ve become this person, how I`ve changed so drasticly, almost to the completely unrecognizable. And I hate this new person I have become. I desperately want the "old-me" back; to be the person that I used to be. But I don`t know how to get there. And I`m afraid that it mght be too late by now, and that I`ll never will find my way back to the person that I was before.

It feels like all my dreams, hopes, values and beliefs have been crushed to dust. I don`t know what to belive in or what to hold on to anymore. I feels like all the aspects of my life, that were once rock-solid, have been sublimized into a fog of overwhelming uncertainty.  I don`t know how to escape it, how to pull it togheter or snap out of it. I don`t know how to keep it from eating me alive. 

I wish there was a way to just block it all out. I wish there was a fast, uncomplicated way to just be worry-free and happy again (or at least a way to escape into a sealed, soft, pink and shiny bubble, where everything is nice and safe, and where you`re completely protected from all the bad stuff on the outside world that`s trying to hurt you).

I wish I could catch a breake. I wish I could get just a moment`s piece from the selfdestructing pain that is running through my veins. I wish that someone could sedate me and numb me, or put me into a coma for awhile. So I, just for a moment, could escape the incomprehensible pain that flows through every cell of my body, every time my lousy heart takes a beat. Sometimes I just wish I could rip my own heart out with my own little hands. To get a moment`s piece from a beaten, broken and wounded heart, that`s about to make me emotionally bleed to death.

Please resuscitate me.